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Many parents mistakenly believe that gentle parenting means never saying “no” and letting children do whatever they please. However, while the parenting style relies heavily on empathy and understanding, boundaries and consequences also play a role.

One dad is struggling to get his wife to understand that fact. Her version of gentle parenting involves no consequences, so he is at a loss for what to do about their son’s misbehavior.

The dad is fed up with his wife’s ‘gentle parenting’ style because she refuses to make their 5-year-old face any consequences.

In his Reddit postthe dad explained that their almost 5-year-old son has been acting out lately, yet his wife, who is “into gentle parenting,” is against any form of discipline. She is “a big believer in no punishment,” he said.

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In recent years, gentle parenting has become a rather popular style, especially amongst millennials. In fact, according to a survey conducted by the Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicagonearly 3 in 4 millennial parents practice gentle parenting. When done correctly, the parenting style focuses on a partnership between parents and children with an emphasis on communication, empathy, respect, and boundaries.

“Recently (especially at night, he doesn’t nap so he’s tired in the evening), he tends to be a real (jerk),” the dad said of his son. “He gets mad over nothing, throws stuff at us, screams over anything, etc.”

“Yesterday, he was kicking up a massive fuss over bedtime,” he recounted. “He started throwing toys at me, screaming at us, and crying. He finally said, ‘Daddy, I don’t love you anymore, I only love Mommy.’ I know he’s 4.5, but it hurt a bit regardless.”

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The dad believes that his son should be disciplined for what he said, but his wife disagrees.

“I feel like he should have some consequence for it. He doesn’t face consequences for anything at this point,” the dad wrote.

Because he usually plays with his son in the morning before school, he decided that the consequence would be no morning playtime. “This morning, I told him I don’t want to play with him because he was mean to me,” he shared. “My wife flipped out.”

His wife believes that their son will “grow to learn that certain things are bad;” however, he argued that he won’t learn without a bit of guidance from his parents.

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Gentle parenting is not an excuse to let kids run amok.

Many people fail to realize that there is a difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting. The former is intended to create a healthy bond with your child by leading with kindness and empathy, and respecting their feelings and needs. Permissive parenting, on the other hand, lacks any clear boundaries or discipline.

Despite misconceptions, effective gentle parenting does involve discipline. That doesn’t mean you have to hit your child or instill fear — both of those tactics have been proven to do the opposite of what discipline is truly about. But a focus on natural consequences and positive reinforcement goes a long way.

“Discipline in gentle parenting is just as important as in any other approach — but it looks different. Instead of punishment, gentle parenting emphasizes teaching and learning,” mental health therapist Vicky Kindle explained. “The focus is on helping children understand the consequences of their behavior and guiding them to make better choices next time.”

In the case of this dad, his suggested consequence makes complete sense! His son was mean to him, so the natural consequence could be that he misses out on a morning of playtime. This should also involve a conversation explaining that what he said hurt his dad’s feelings, and the importance of empathy and kindness. It seems that his son was frustrated, so they should discuss better ways for him to express his emotions.

Five years old is the perfect age for kids to learn that their actions have consequences. If parents don’t purposefully step in, their children will end up struggling at school and in adulthood.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.