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More often than not, a breakup is the result of subtle and quiet issues building up over time. While everything may come to a head with a singular blow-out moment, small missteps and poor communication usually pave the way, adding up until they become too difficult to overcome.

Psychologist Mark Travers studies couples and, in a recent article for CNBCshared some valuable insight into why couples break up. He said that the words couples say to each other during arguments often have a hugely negative impact, especially when they use one damaging phrase.

The psychologist said couples who use the phrase, ‘Why can’t you be more like (insert other person’s name)?’ are more likely to break up.

At first glance, it may not seem that bad to wish that your partner would act like someone else, whether that be a loving friend, a random celebrity, or even a past partner. However, it’s one thing to think it and another thing to actually vocalize it. Neither should be something you’re doing, but the moment you vocalize your comparison to your partner, you damage your relationship.

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A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggested that relationship comparisons affect not only your happiness and satisfaction but also your significant other’s. Research found that comparisons, particularly with “better,” “healthier,” or more “successful” relationships, were just as threatening as other threats to a relationship, like rejection, cheating, and conflicts.

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Travers noted that the person named in the comparison is usually ‘irrelevant.’

“Whether it’s an ex, a best friend’s girlfriend, or even ‘how you used to be.’ The real message will always remain the same: ‘You’re not enough, and someone else — anyone else — could do a better job at being my partner,'” Travers explained. “Over time, this kind of comparison can give rise to irreparable insecurity issues. Rather than feeling loved for who they are, the person on the receiving end will start questioning their worth and constantly wonder if they’re living up to expectations.”

Travers noted that the phrase itself isn’t always the problem, but rather a couple’s fear of openly communicating. Instead of outright stating their concerns, like “I wish we could spend more time together,” they compartmentalize it. These moments continue to pile up until suddenly they find themselves blurting out something like, “Why can’t you be more like (insert person’s name here) husband/wife? They actually plan dates!”

According to another studywhen a partner feels uncertain about their relationship or unsure about how their partner will respond, they’re more likely to hold back. Usually, it’s not that they want another partner, but that they don’t feel emotionally safe or secure enough to voice to their partner what they need. The more open a relationship is, the more likely two people will be able to communicate with each other in a healthy manner.

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Creating a safe space with your partner can help end comparisons.

“Relationships require the willingness to love each other as real, flawed, irreplaceable humans, not as comparisons to someone else. Similarly, they require the courage to speak openly, as well as the trust that your openness will be met with respect,” Travers said.

Nothing good can come from comparing your partner to other people because there’s no way for them to be anyone other than themselves. If you want your partner to meet your needs, then you need to vocalize them. No one can read your mind, so be honest. Admit that it’s hard for you to open up, and express how much you love that person and want to try.

Creating a safe space where you both can talk without the other one feeling threatened or devolving into an argument can change the dynamic and trajectory of a relationship for the better.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.