
There was more chance of seeing Wayne Rooney on Virgin Island than of the Bafta TV Awards getting it right. All those nonentities, all those nominations for niche shows nobody watched, all those twerps turning the stage into a fancy dress parade... Ham actor Alan Cummins, our self-amusing host, delivered more costume changes than laughs, with the lamest opening monologue since Sue Perkins. BBC1 need to install a comedy version of the Batman bat signal, 'Host dying, send in Gervais!' Or anyone with the guts to puncture the industry's puffed-up pomposity.
The night reminded us how much ground the BBC have lost. 2024's most talked-about dramas were made by others: ITV's Mr Bates Vs The Post Office, which made Parliament sit up and pay attention, Disney's funny, filthy romp Rivals, Baby Reindeer (Netflix), and Apple TV's superb spy series Slow Horses. Graham Norton - robbed of a win by the over-rated Late Night Lycett - claimed "we're living in the golden age of television". Not all of us, Graham. It costs to watch all those streamers. Pity hard-up pensioners lumbered with back-to-back daytime repeats on BBC1 and BBC2, the tedium interrupted only by News broadcasts and charlatans on Politics Live.
Even when the Beeb get it right, Bafta snobs failed to notice. There was nothing for BBC1's terrific Gladiators revival, and no room for the Gavin & Stacey: The Finale in the scripted comedy section - which was won by Alma's Not Normal (reportedly axed by BBC2 last year for failing to attract enough viewers). Gavin & Stacey's Christmas special, watched by 19.1 million, was heartwarming, satisfying and critically acclaimed. How could it not be a Bafta contender? Didn't it tick enough boxes? That seems to matter more to TV's great and good than the challenge of cheering us up while the world falls apart. At least Ruth Jones won a "tidy" gong for playing Nessa.
Mainstream comedy was one of the Beeb's traditional strengths, but there is no modern equivalent of Morecambe & Wise or The Two Ronnies. It's the problem the BBC can't fix and Bafta elitists don't seem to care about. Sitcoms, once Auntie's BBC's biggest hitters, are barely on the undercard now. For the Corporation's own survival, they should stop churning out dross like Change Your Mind, Change Your Life and find the next Del-Boy.
The Beeb's deserving winners included Would I Lie To You?, their funniest show, Belfast cop saga Blue Lights and the debauched bankers of Industry. They got nothing for the mesmerising Wolf Hall: The Mirror & The Light. Mark Rylance wasn't even in the running for best actor which seemed a strange oversight. For every baffling nomination - the implausible One Day, the unbearable Smoggie Queens - there were predictable omissions. We'll see Rachel Reeves revive the economy before they mention oil drama Landman - Bafta remain fully committed to fashionable dogma. But where were Fallout (Prime), Clarkson's Farm (Prime) and 3 Body Problem (Netflix)? And why bother honouring TV's sinking soaps? I'd replace that category with a 'Nafta' award for duds like Olivia Attwood's Bad Boyfriends and Michael Sheen's The Way; and add a Clown of the Night award for infantile narcissists who turn up dressed like they've just escaped from the world's campest circus. David Tennant looked far too happy for a man in a suit one size too small and whose ITV Genius Game had just been axed.
Jessie J made her TV return in the audience, so her performance was punctuated by people nipping off for loo breaks. Why didn't the producers think to close the aisles that were in camera shot for three minutes? The other grating thing about the Baftas is how behind the times the awards are. Mr Bates aired 16 months ago (and the sub-postmasters still haven't been compensated). Adolescence will be 14 months old when it sweeps the board next May. They need to speed up the process. Let's hope James Nelson-Joyce - chilling in This City Is Ours - will be in the running for best actor. Will ITV medical drama Malpractice be nominated? It must have struck a chord with anyone who'd ever taken on an NHS trust. You won't find a more dislikeable bunch of duplicitous double-dealers and slippery, self-serving backstabbers this side of the Commons.
70s TV We Loved & Lost - another cheap clip-show slyly dressed up as sociology - gave 1970s telly a Googlebox-style makeover. Families watched vintage programmes together, like we used to, with the old'uns explaining The Generation Game to baffled youngsters. Some Mothers Do Have Them was a hit for all ages, largely due to Michael Crawford's incredible stunts. But Channel 5 were less honest when it came to The Wheeltappers & Shunters Social Club, deliberately omitting the show's many big-name bookings and dishonestly maligning Bernard Manning. Whatever he did later, Bernard never told ethnic jokes on Wheeltappers. The long list of the 70s classics they missed suggests the format might come back for more, a Googlebox through the ages. There was certainly no room for AJP Taylor's The War Lords from 1976. One lucid historian addressing the camera with no gimmicks, notes, or autocue... it would never get commissioned today but it was fascinating. AJP's BBC4 repeats were one of the joys of the TV week along with Buddy Guy in concert on Sky Arts and season two of Poker Face with Natasha Lyonne as a former casino worker with an ability that is every salesman, love rat and politician's nightmare - she knows when anyone is telling lies.
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