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Earlier this month, as hostilities between India and Pakistan quickly ramped up, parents were dealing with a different kind of ‘bombing’, thanks to the relentless questions asked by their curious kids. Queries like ‘ Mamma , what is war?’ and ‘ Papa , will the bad people throw a bomb on our building?’ left adults tongue-tied. Some even posted about their difficulty in answering their kids and appealed to grandparents to keep TVs switched off in the living room. Parent coach and educationist Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi tells us how parents can explain conflicts with compassion and clarity

The innocent ears of our children are often the unintended recipients of news that can shake their sense of security. Whether it is a snippet on the evening news, hushed adult conversations or playground chatter, conflict can be deeply unsettling for young minds. As a parenting expert and a mother, I understand the instinct to shield them. I remember when my daughter came to me with a worried frown after hearing about a conflict on the news. Her first question, eyes wide with concern, was, “Ma, will that happen here?” In that moment, I realised the delicate balance we must strike acknowledging the reality of war while nurturing their sense of safety and compassion. How we navigate these conversations shapes not only their immediate emotional well-being but also their developing understanding of a complex world. Here is how we can guide our children through the turbulent waters of war with empathy and reassurance:

Keep it simple & age-appropriate: Forget the intricate political tapestries. Children need a narrative they can grasp. “Sometimes,” I told my son when he was grappling with the idea of conflict, “Countries have big disagreements, and instead of talking them out, they fight. It makes things very difficult for the people there.” Avoid sensationalism or graphic details that can fuel anxiety. Focus on the core concept in language they understand.

Reassure them of their safety: This is the bedrock of their emotional security. The immediate fear for a child is often proximity — could this happen to them? Repeatedly and calmly affirm their safety. “Our home is safe, our school is safe, and the adults around you are working hard to keep it that way,” I often tell the children I work with. This consistent reassurance acts as an anchor in their sea of worry.

Validate their feelings: It’s okay to feel. War is a heavy concept, and children may express their unease through a range of emotions — sadness, fear, confusion, even anger. Mock drills and the precautions we take in war-like situations further increase their anxiety. Giving them permission to feel creates a safe space for them to process these complex emotions.


Let their questions be your compass: Resist the urge to flood them with information. Over-explaining can be counterproductive and increase anxiety. Instead, allow their curiosity to guide the conversation. When my son asked, “Why are they fighting?” I offered a brief explanation: “Many countries in the world have some underlying tensions and ongoing conflicts arising from some historical reason. It could be for land, people or religious beliefs. This causes tension across borders and from time to time it does erupt, hurting people.”

When he wanted to know about the Indo-Pak crisis and Operation Sindoor in particular, I gave him a brief history of the two countries and told him that there has been tension for almost 70 years because of the ownership of Kashmir and there are people who don’t know how to handle this by conversation and peace and that’s why they attack. I told him that there have been many attacks by terrorists from the other side and that’s why our govt has decided to take action to keep all of us safe.

Be honest: When there is a conflict, kids tend to ask who the good guy is and who is bad. They are used to black and white characters. You may want to tell them that every story can’t have a hero and a villain, sometimes both sides can be right or both can be wrong. Moreover, if you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s acceptable to say, “That’s a good question. Let’s see if we can find out together.”
Cultivate compassion: Even young children possess an innate sense of empathy. Empower them by suggesting small, tangible acts of kindness. We can encourage them to send good thoughts and prayers to those affected, draw pictures of peace, or be extra kind to classmates. This shifts their focus from feeling helpless to feeling like they can contribute in a positive way.

Help them find their calm: When news feels overwhelming, guide them towards calming activities such as drawing, reading a comforting book or engaging in quiet mindfulness exercises.

Plant seeds of hope: It is crucial to balance the reality of conflict with the message that peace is possible and that many individuals are working towards it. Tell them our soldiers are bravely fighting day and night so we can be safe. “Even though there is war in some places,” I explain, “there are also many people who are working hard to help and to create peace.” This offers a vital counter-narrative to despair.

Talk about patriotism: When there are situations like war or conflict, it is important to explain the concept of being loyal to one’s country. Tell your child that he and his friends may come from different communities and religions, but it is everyone’s duty as citizens of India to support our country in times of crisis.

Model desirable behaviour: Our children are keen observers of our emotional state. If we react to news with anxiety or anger, they will mirror those emotions. By remaining calm, empathetic and hopeful, we provide a powerful sense of security and resilience to our children. Also include gratitude and prayer into the child’s daily routine. This helps children calm down when they are feeling upset.

Talking about war with our kids is undoubtedly challenging. It requires patience, honesty, and above all, a heart full of compassion. But by offering simple explanations, unwavering reassurance, and a safe space for their feelings, we can help them navigate these difficult realities with courage and empathy, nurturing their understanding of the world while safeguarding their precious sense of security. Our loving presence is, and will always be, their strongest shield.


— As told to Neha Bhayana