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A dad is being accused of having zero “emotional awareness” after sharing how hurt he was that his stepdaughter didn’t invite him to her graduation. In return, he decided that she clearly didn’t want him supporting her and effectively cut her off for good. The unnamed dad originally posted his dilemma to the Facebook group, “Proud Black Fathers,” where it went viral before eventually being reposted on Instagram Threads.

The dad claimed that despite all he’s done for his stepdaughter, she still chose to ice him out on one of the most important days of her life. Now, extremely hurt, he claimed that this has shown where he stands in her life.

A stepdad financially cut off his stepdaughter after he didn’t receive an invitation to her graduation.

In his postthe dad explained that his stepdaughter recently graduated, and he hadn’t been invited. He claimed that he had been in her life since she was 4 months old and had been married to her mom for a little over a year after she turned 2. “I’ve been there, consistent, showing up, providing, loving her as my own,” he wrote. “But come graduation day, I wasn’t given a seat. They told me there were only eight tickets. Let me tell you who made the list.”

He continued, saying that his wife, her two sisters, her biological dad, her uncle, her grandma, her aunt, and her boyfriend were all given tickets to the graduation. When he found out that he wasn’t going to be included, he admitted that it hurt him deeply.

Since the graduation, he said he’s been “sitting with that pain.” He took time off work to make sure he’d be able to make it, and now that’s both money and time he won’t be able to get back.

He decided that since his stepdaughter was going to leave him out of the graduation, he’d take matters into his own hands and financially cut her off. He took her off of everything, even his car and health insurance. He told her mother that since she’s grown and graduated, she can go live with her biological dad since she “made room” for him “over me.”

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The stepdad said that now there’s tension in his house since the graduation incident.

“I’m standing on what I feel,” he continued. “The truth is, I’m so hurt. Not mad. Just deeply, genuinely hurt. I don’t need applause. I just needed to speak my truth. Thanks for listening.”

The reaction to his post was rather harsh, with many people pointing out that something must’ve happened between him and his stepdaughter for her not to include him in her graduation celebration. The person who reposted his story on Threads claimed that this is another example of men trying to play the “perfect victim.”

“They always wake up one day and say they are iced out, the divorce came out of nowhere, the kids just don’t speak to him, etc. Zero awareness or accountability for how they conduct their relationships with their loved ones, but immediately play victim when things go bad.”

However, there’s no additional information, and considering we’re only hearing one side of the story, there could very well have been a reason that he wasn’t invited. One commenter shined a light on the situation, however, with a more diplomatic stance, writing, “There is a difference between playing the victim and admitting your feelings were very hurt. Hurt people do petty things/hurtful things. He isn’t a victim. He’s a hurt person voicing his hurt & showing his lack of emotional maturity with his actions.”

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It’s never a good idea to make serious decisions when hurt feelings are involved.

The commenter likely hit the nail on the head. It’s clear that this stepdad was extremely hurt that he wasn’t invited to the graduation. Sometimes, when people are hurt, they lash out without actually thinking about their actions. His immediate reaction of wanting to “punish” his stepdaughter by cutting her off might be deemed by some as being way too extreme, but it’s because his emotions are still raw.

In a piece written for CNNclinical psychologist Dr. Jelena Kecmanovic explained, “Feeling scared, irritable, or sad is uncomfortable. Verbally and physically acting out might bring temporary relief, but ultimately, it harms our relationships and the people we care about and makes us feel even worse.”

Keira Burton | Pexels

As counselor Calvin Burns put it in the simplest terms ever, “Hurt people, hurt people.” Ultimately, according to Burns, people who struggle to regulate their emotions in the midst of hurt feelings are dealing with unresolved trauma. He added, “It is common for those who have been traumatized to struggle with regulating their emotions. This is often noticed the most when they experience moments that trigger their traumatic experiences in their daily lives. These triggers can suddenly take them back to the same feelings of sadness, anxiety, uncertainty, helplessness, and fear, and cause them to act out on their anger from what they experienced. Unfortunately, this drives them to lash out at others.”

Instead of jumping to conclusions, what this stepdad should’ve done was have an honest conversation with his stepdaughter. There’s a possibility that she may not have realized how much he would be affected by not being invited to her graduation, or there may be unresolved problems festering between them that he may not even be aware of.

He won’t know, though, without actually sitting down and speaking with her. It’s also important to note that just because you’re someone who financially provides for your child, it doesn’t mean that you’re fulfilling all of the necessary roles that come with being a parent.

Of course, having this conversation is only possible if he can keep his emotions in check and approach the situation with calm and understanding. If he can’t, he should get some professional help to deal with his unresolved trauma before trying to heal the relationship with his stepdaughter. Chances are, once tensions cool, he’ll realize he acted impulsively and will regret it.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.