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Play dates are important for kids to develop social skills and foster positive connections. Unfortunately, they can also be exclusionary and make some kids feel left out. One girl was dealing with this problem when her brother was invited to more play dates than her.

Instead of trying to find a constructive solution to the problem, their dad shut down and completely banned play dates in their house, which angered his wife. Now, she’s looking for a solution.

One dad refused to let his son go on play dates because it meant he would have to put up with his daughter complaining.

On the U.K. parenting forum Mumsnetone mom reached out for some advice after she felt like her husband had gone a bit too far in his parenting tactics. She posted to the website’s “AIBU?” thread, short for “Am I Being Unreasonable?”

“(My husband) works from home three days a week and will look after the children when they are home during holidays — children are eight and nine,” she explained. “Often (my son) is invited to his friend’s house once or twice during the holidays for a play date.”

Fantiki photo | Shutterstock

While this is great for the boy, it’s not so great for her daughter, who feels like she is being excluded. So, her husband put a stop to it altogether. “He is refusing to let (my son) go this half term because (my daughter) starts (whining) that she’s bored and wants to go to her friend’s for a play date,” she continued. “Occasionally that’s feasible, but sometimes it isn’t, and if it isn’t, she will become upset.”

Her husband, quite honestly, sounds like he is over the situation completely. “(My husband) has said it’s too disruptive for his work and doesn’t want to deal with it,” she shared. “(Am I being unreasonable) to think this is massively unfair on (my son)?”

On Mumsnet, users can actually vote on whether they think the person who made the original post is being unreasonable or not. With nearly 500 votes, 70% felt this mom was not being unreasonable, while 30% disagreed with her.

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Commenters had differing views to offer.

Some people who commented on the thread thought this was just part of growing up for the daughter, and she needed to get used to it. “Your daughter has to learn she can’t always have or do the same as her brother,” one said. “That’s a life lesson all children have to learn. Children also need to be ‘bored’ sometimes too!”

Valery Zotev | Shutterstock

On the whole, though, most commenters were concerned about her husband’s ability to care for his children while also getting work done. “Is it really feasible for your (husband) to be working from home and looking after the children?” someone asked. “If he’s working then I’m not surprised he’s finding it difficult to facilitate play dates.”

Another added, “The situation isn’t fair on anyone involved as you now know your husband will put himself first and choose the path of least resistance for himself over the children.”

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An expert argued that play dates are essential for children.

Certified school psychologist Pamela D. Brown, Ph.D., explained that many children’s activities, like team sports, are becoming increasingly regulated and strict. Because of this, children need opportunities for fun playtime that come with playdates.

Alexander Dummer | Pexels

“Truly unstructured play creates space for children to connect with each other in a way that is different from the structured and supervised environments of school or organized activities,” she stated.

For this reason, this dad is doing his son a disservice by not allowing him to go to play dates. If it is so hurtful for their daughter to not be included, perhaps they should focus on making friends she can spend time with more easily. At the very least, perhaps they could organize some activities that would allow her to meet some new kids her age who share similar interests. And, of course, it would probably help if Dad weren’t doing all of this while working.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.