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A transgender man explained that he wasn’t expecting living as a man to feel as lonely as it has been. The unnamed man originally posted his thoughts to Tumblr, which was later reposted on Reddit. He claimed that living as a man has made him realize that if this had been the mindset he was forced to grow up with versus having to come to terms with it as an adult, his adolescence would’ve been so much different, and it all has to do with the lack of male socialization and community.

A trans man admitted to being ‘blindsided’ by the ‘social isolation’ that comes with living as a man.

“I’m pretty quiet about the fact that I’m a trans man, but I need to tell you about the culture shock I’m going through because it’s blindsiding me,” he began in his post. “There’s a huge sense of social isolation that comes with being perceived as male, because now people are subconsciously treating me as a potential predator.”

He explained that all strangers, no matter their gender, tend to keep their distance around him. It’s made him realize that there is no community or even camaraderie when it comes to male friendships and socialization. He recalled being able to experience at least some semblance of kinship before he transitioned, but now, living as a man, that sense of belonging is gone.

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He insisted that he’s now mourning the ‘loss of a privilege’ he didn’t know he had.

“This is something I would’ve never understood without the living experience,” he continued. “It’s now blatantly clear to me that most cis men probably experience chronic emotional malnutrition.”

That definitely seems to be the case for a plethora of men. According to a Pew Research Center survey16% of men say they’re lonely all or most of the time. The “male loneliness epidemic” has proved that men aren’t really living fulfilling lives. Most of this is because, frankly, men don’t know how to have loving and emotionally fulfilling friendships with each other.

This boils down to many things, but especially the way cis men were raised and the expectations that were forced upon them from a very young age. Young boys were taught that they should temper their emotions to fit the masculine ideal, but instead of making them tough, it hurt them.

This lack of intimacy between male friendships might be normal to them because it’s what they’ve been conditioned to accept. Women, on the other hand, are often known for forming deep friendships and bonds with one another.

We talk at length about everything and anything. From childhood trauma, dating and relationships, past experiences, and everything in between. We make sure to ask questions about each other, especially if we haven’t seen each other in some time. The conversations are never surface-level because we genuinely want to form meaningful connections with one another.

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Many men struggle to maintain close friendships with other men.

According to the Survey Center for American Life15% of men report having no close friendships. This is five times more than the same survey results from 1990. The report also revealed a shift in who young men turn to for support, with only 22% now seeking help from friends, compared with 45% in 1990.

Friendship is truly one of the most important things we can cultivate with each other. In the times we’re living in, community and coming together with like-minded people might be the only way that we can maintain even a semblance of peace and comfort.

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“They’re deprived of social connection just enough for it to (mess) with their psyches, but not enough for them to realize what it happening and what’s causing it,” he explained in his post. “It’s because they’re starving, but don’t know this because they’ve always been served 3 meals … except those meals have never been big enough.”

A lot of men are just too fearful to challenge this stereotype that they’re not allowed to be soft with one another. If they want to even begin to solve their socialization issues, they can’t lean on women to help fill a role they’re not getting from each other. They need to start building those genuine connections before it’s too late.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.