Top News

Judge Judy Sheindlin has been doling out justice and tough love in courtroom reality TV since 1996, and she’s been a family court judge for even longer than that. She’s known for her swift justice and for her “Judyisms,” such as “Do I have stupid written over my forehead?” and “Do I look like I need help from you?”

Not only is she a judge and a TV personality, but she’s also an author of several books, including Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman. Although her first marriage ended in 1976 after 12 years, she’s been married to her husband Jerry since 1978. The pair briefly divorced in 1990 for a year before remarrying in 1991. Basically, when it comes to matters of the heart, Judge Judy knows her stuff. This makes her the perfect woman to share some harsh but true words of wisdom above love.

Judge Judy shared her advice on what not to do when it comes to love, drawing on years of experience from her show.

On a 2016 episode of “The Ellen Show,” Judge Judy handed down her verdict on women who find themselves stuck in life and what they can do to protect themselves. She would know, she sees it all the time on her show.

She told Ellen, “Women make a terrible mistake because they usually are so desperate to nest that they pick up on schlubs and worthless pieces of trash they pick up in a bar, and then turn around and give them the keys to their car, invite them to move in, give them a credit card, and they’re surprised one day when their car is gone, their credit card is maxed, and they’re alone,” she said. “They seem to replicate that behavior again and again. And that frustrates me.”

: A Suffragette Shared 5 Pieces Of Marriage Advice For Young Women In 1918 That Honestly Still Apply Today

Judge Judy said once a woman gives up ‘financial independence’ to a man, ‘it’s over.’

She went on to give advice that all women, even those who don’t foolishly trust a man with everything they own, can and should use: “The only way it won’t happen is if you equip yourself to be financially independent. Because once a woman gives up financial independence to a mate, it’s over.”

Kathy Hutchins | Shutterstock

Although the tides are turning in terms of women taking more control of their own financial security, Fidelity International’s annual Women and Money study found that almost one in five adult women (17%) do not feel financially independent. More than half (51%) of this group said they were “unable to make their own life choices as a result.”

And that’s exactly what Judge Judy was alluding to. If you don’t have your own financial independence, you can’t decide what happens to your own life. “Everybody has to have something that they’re good at, where they can earn a living. Not everybody’s going to be a millionaire, but you gotta learn how to make a living,” she advised.

: Research Says This Is The Exact Amount Of Money That Buys Happiness — No More, No Less

Financial independence isn’t just about earning capacity, but about having options.

Financial experts Dr. Barb Provost and Maggie Nielsen, MBA, wrote in a post for PurseStrings“Financial independence isn’t just about the numbers in your bank account — it’s about having options and choices that align with what you want. It’s reflected in the power to walk away from unhealthy relationships, leave unfulfilling jobs, or make decisions without having to rely on someone else’s income or approval.”

If you’re married and feel like you aren’t financially independent because you can’t afford all the household expenses on your salary alone, that’s not being dependent. That’s just a normal partnership. You are financially independent because you have skills that can further your career, and you can and could support yourself if you had to. No, you might not be able to afford the house you currently live in, but you can downsize and still live well.

Love is a great thing to strive for, but it’s not a safety net. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself, and that means protecting your future and your independence. So, maybe the next time a scrub tries to talk to you from the passenger seat of his best friend’s ride, really think if he can give you the future you want.

: Survey Reveals 43% Of Americans Agree This Is The Biggest Financial Mistake Of Their Lives

Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and frequent contributor to YourTango. She’s had articles featured in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Post, Business Insider, and Woman’s Day, among many others.