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Apparently, child-free women are robbing themselves of the joys of parenthood because, according to one mom on TikTok, they will never experience the unconditional love that comes from having kids. After one childless woman received this rather ignorant comment, she assured the moms who seemed to desperately want her to have kids that she is, in fact, surrounded by love, even if it may not come from motherhood.

A mom told a child-free woman that she is ‘robbing herself’ of a love she will never know until she has kids.

After sharing snippets of her child-free (and seemingly very happy) life on TikTok, one woman who goes by @annoyingsagittariuss on the app has received her fair share of unhinged comments from moms who try to tell her just how much she is missing by being childless. One mother even suggested that the woman was robbing herself of a love she would never even think possible.

“I used to think the same way (as you) until I had my girl. It’s a love you’ll never know you’re robbing yourself of and I feel like such a fool for thinking that old way,” the mom commented on one of the woman’s videos.

Despite her concerns that annoyingsagittariuss was depriving herself of unconditional love by not having children, she assured the mom that she didn’t feel like she was missing anything. Like many other women who choose to be child-free, annoyingsagittariuss doesn’t believe that unwavering love and happiness can exist only in a parent-child relationship.

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The child-free woman pointed out that her happiness in a life without kids should have no impact on a happy mom.

She also doesn’t believe that every mom should project their perception of parenthood onto others in order to convince them to have kids. “How am I robbing myself of something that I don’t want simply because you ended up having a change of heart?” she responded to the mom in a TikTok video.

“Somebody that had an accidental pregnancy is never going to be able to convince me that they’re having a good time or that I should also have a child,” annoyingsagittariuss said. “Of course you’re going to tell yourself that (you’re happy). You’re already in the situation. Are you gonna wallow in misery or self-pity, or are you gonna try to focus on the pros?”

Even if parents are genuinely happy with their decision to have kids, the woman asked what their happiness had to do with her. And more importantly, why were they trying so hard to change her mind on being child-free? People who are authentically happy often don’t spend their time preaching how happy they are to others who may have a different lifestyle.

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Happiness is subjective and varies from person to person.

A life that is somebody’s dream could be someone else’s nightmare. It is not our place to tell them otherwise. Other child-free adults agreed with the woman’s stance and found the mom’s comment to be ignorant.

“Not every woman in the world will feel the ‘strongest love in their life’ for a child. Some of us will feel it for our friends, or a cat, or a hobby, or our peace, or religion. We are not all the same,” one TikTok user noted. “The way some people are unable to understand that some of us don’t need to create an extension of ourselves to feel true love,” another commented. “Me having a kid I can say, you’re not missing out. Sure, it’s wonderful (for me), but you can feel that same love from/with a niece/nephew, friend’s child,” another shared.

Having children just to feel or receive love from someone can be detrimental to both you and your children. A parent should never seek validation from the kids they are supposed to provide with genuine love and support. This only creates an unhealthy parent-child dynamic where children feel pressured to fulfill their parents’ expectations of what they imagined parenthood to be, damaging their sense of self and well-being.

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Even if parenthood sparked a love you could never have imagined, it doesn’t mean that child-free people are incapable of experiencing the same depths of love for other people in their lives. They can love a romantic partner, a friend, or even a pet to the same degree.

Being child-free also certainly does not mean being happy-free. The Census Bureau’s American Time Use Survey found that unmarried, childless women are one of the happiest populations of all. They may derive their happiness from other sources besides having children, including traveling, working their dream job, getting to call the shots without a strict schedule, and simply being independent.

If having children has added to your happiness, that’s great for you, and we’re glad you’re enjoying parenthood! However, it doesn’t mean that everyone will find more joy in having children, and if they don’t, they are not being “robbed” of anything.

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Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.